Saturday, January 25, 2014
News that should not be heard or wished on anyone!
This morning or last night, which ever or however you look at it. After all matters not to me even the time or even day of the week. Half the time I don’t pay attention to the date except to add what this computer tells me then I only know by what it tells me. Getting bad when you trust a machine more than you do other living people even family members that are close or even a far.
Since I seem to be up as well as down from hour to hour because of my meds or brain or just plain feel I best not sleep as will do that for good soon anyways
This morning I had a conversation with other strained family members and even if you don’t know them fro0m other than being part of your family, you still are concerned because they are related in one way or another.
I have a middle son on the Lewis side that has serious problems and of course it is from drugs. Which I have known about for sometime now, but I try to put a positive flow of information into anything negative, which is sometimes not easy to do if even able to do so! It will be at lease another two years before I will be able to see this son of mine that I have not seen for years, but keep in contact by sending each other letters. My other son’s know of him having problems as well and never looked upon it as being as bad a problem as it is. Then here I had to learn that a distance relative also has the same problem.
John Jr. Has the cirrhosis of the liver as well as another distance family member also has and his is terminal stage from what I am told. My son’s is at the point of not knowing, but is given Med’s to keep him going is best way to put it. Just the word “Cirrhosis” is scary enough to me when I see it. That is why I added the “of the liver” whenever I talk about it. People seem to not understand how serious it is when you use a single word, but those that have been their know the word, and do not like it what so ever. I will agree that my son John is caused by himself because of drugs as well as drinking and besides that he did almost die when he was just 15 because of what was called a black ball. Someone wanting to kill him with bad or over doze of drugs. At that time I was working and had the best insurance any one man could have. But, that day is a reminder as it took a lot of medical skills as well as surgeons to keep him a live. Even at one point it didn’t look like he would make it, and I was told to call my parents his grandparents and anyone else to come and say their final goodbyes.
Now, let me tell you I seen war and death and when it’s one of yours then you do lose it and your going after anyone and everyone no matter if they are friends or foes at the time. Since I was just from Nam myself I had no fear of anything and only murder in my head at that time. I knew with the help from many that also knew who to contact and which were going to be on my list. Let me tell you something even if your information is good or even bad and you do lose all real true judgment as to what is right or wrong when your own kid is dying. One person on my list kept in my head from those that were gaining the information for me stated that we were able to get a hold of one and he had a fall off the bridge, so he is gone. Yes, even to this day I know of the bridge as well as the person who handled it out of I suppose you could say for respect of a veteran or not liking people who use drugs to kill kids. At the time I never gave it too much thought. I remember making calls to those that I also personally knew as very close friends to my kids as well as I even took them in on the say so of my kids. I felt so sick and anger and mad and was so out of it that I felt those that were involved were given help by me and they tried to kill my son, their own friend? I will say this if I had the time or chance to think it out there would not have been what did take place at that time. Murder as you know has no status of limitations and that is what or how I would have seen it IF I felt it was murder at the time. But, since I knew what I was going to do was even premeditated then you could not get any worst. I made phone calls from that emergency room to those that I was not sure of and said disappear as I was going to come after them. Not one that I talked to had to ask why, as in a small town like Marysville, California everyone knew what was up before it even happened. This story I bring up now because of when I was speaking to another family member this morning, it reminded me of what I almost did to others that to this day had nothing to do with anything against my son, but just the same would have ended up gone just the same if he had not lived.
Of course one main person and soon after that others did disappear as they say. Where no one knows but many know who it was that fell from the bridge. Think he may have jumped because of having a warrant. LOL even today as that was what the story was even today.
As I said when you have lived as long as I have some things just come back after something else makes you remember. No my life was not a good one thanks to my Government training that made me into what I did become. But, at lease they did teach me feelings after wards or what was that class again. Oh yea, your home now and you do not shoot people because that is not war and a bunch of other crap.
I did not learn if this distance family member is from care of being brough up in a dirty life or if in short not the cause of his own body failure with cirrhosis. I do know my son’s was from his own doing. But, as of this reminder more to myself than anything else then I had to speak about it. I know other family members may know more than I do because I was not as close to them as I now have become because of family moving in these hard times to grandpas to stay because of hard times.
How can I forget an old story like this?Let me tell you there are so many that you do put out of your mind until something awakens you to the fact that do you remember when you did this? Many of you will think wow this is bad as well as wrong. How can you forget. Age? Blocked out? Forgetting? Take your own choice, but if I ever had to write as to my dreams or nightmares really, you would be shocked. Trouble is there not real close but not real to awaken me to say I feel bad because I just recalled something so far in the past!
Saturday, January 25, 2014